Category: STRETCH

During the first year of life, naps are crucial for babies (who simply cannot stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time), and crucial for parents and caregivers, who need breaks from the hard work of caring for an infant.

But as children become toddlers and preschoolers, naps aren’t always straightforward. Children often fight them (following the “you snooze you lose” philosophy), and they can conflict with daily tasks (such as school pick-up when there are older siblings) or lead to late bedtimes.

Here are some tips for making naps work for you and your child — and for knowing when they aren’t needed anymore.

Making naps work for your baby

Most infants will take at least two naps during the day, and early in toddlerhood most children will still take both a morning nap and an afternoon nap. Naps are important not just for physical rest and better moods, but also for learning: sleep allows us to consolidate new information. As children get older, they usually drop one of the naps, most commonly the morning nap.

Every child is different when it comes to napping. Some need long naps, some do fine with catnaps, some will give up naps earlier than others. Even within the same family, children can be different. A big part of making naps work is listening to and learning about your child’s temperament and needs. Otherwise, you can end up fighting losing battles.

The needs of a parent or caregiver are also important: everyone needs a break. Sometimes those breaks are particularly useful at specific times of the day (like meal prep time). While you can’t always make a child be sleepy at the most convenient time for you, it’s worth a try — which leads me to the first tip:

Schedule the naps. Instead of waiting for a child to literally drop and fall asleep, have a regular naptime. We all do better when our sleep routines are regular, even adults. If you can, put the child down awake (or partially awake). Learning to fall asleep without a bottle or a breast, or without being held, is a helpful skill for children to learn and can lead to better sleep habits as they grow.

A couple of scheduling notes:

• If you need a child to fall asleep earlier or later than they seem to do naturally, try to adjust the previous sleep time. For example, if you need an earlier morning nap, wake the child up earlier in the morning. It may not work, but it’s worth a try.
• Naps later in the afternoon often mean that a child won’t be sleepy until later in the evening. That may not be a problem, but for parents who get tired early or need to get up early, it can be. Try to move the nap earlier, or wake the child earlier. If the problematic afternoon nap is in daycare, talk to the daycare provider about moving or shortening it.

Create a space that’s conducive to sleep. Some children can sleep anywhere and through anything, but most do best with a space that is quiet and dark. A white noise machine (or even just a fan) can also be helpful.

Don’t use screens before naptime or bedtime. The blue light emitted by computers, tablets, and phones can wake up the brain and make it harder for children to fall asleep.

When is it time to give up naps?

Most children give up naps between the ages of 3 and 5. If a child can stay up and be pleasant and engaged throughout the afternoon, they are likely ready to stop. Some crankiness in the late afternoon and early evening is okay; you can always just get them to bed earlier.

One way to figure it out, and ease the transition, is to keep having “quiet time” in the afternoon. Have the child go to bed, but don’t insist on sleep; let them look at books or play quietly. If they stay awake, that’s a sign that they are ready to stop. If they fall asleep but then end up staying up very late, that’s another sign that the afternoon nap needs to go.

Whether or not your child naps, having some quiet time without screens every afternoon is a good habit to get into. It gives your child and everyone else a chance to relax and unwind, and sets a placeholder not just for homework but also for general downtime as children grow — and just like naps for babies, downtime for big kids is crucial.

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When faced with buying shoes, some people will be done in five minutes and be totally satisfied. For others, it’ll be a multiday process of reading reviews, comparing prices, consideration, and more consideration before making a decision.

Or not.

People can want to make a choice, but fear of making a bad one or of missing a better deal that might come gets in the way. The upcoming holiday gift-buying only ups the pressure.

“Making decisions is a taxing task,” says Dr. Soo Jeong Youn, clinical psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

We’re doing it constantly, with what to wear and eat. It can also feel agonizing, even paralyzing, because sometimes we don’t know all the information, and so the brain fills in the gaps with worst-case scenarios, which does nothing to lower the stress.

Can we get better at making decisions? The short answer is yes. It takes some organization, but also a mindset shift in which we accept that there is no ideal choice. But before that, it helps to look a little more at why decision-making can be so difficult.

Knowing what to expect

Not all decisions cause the same stress. Big ones, like changing jobs or buying a house, take consideration, which we expect. Everyday choices, like our morning coffee order or groceries, are often automatic. And usually, the prefrontal cortex is in control. That’s the part of the brain behind the forehead, handling executive functioning skills — a term, Youn says, which tries to capture the complexity behind thinking. The prefrontal cortex processes information from the entire brain and puts it together to make a choice.

It’s the midlevel decisions — the new bike, winter jacket, toaster, or shoes — that become troublesome. They’re not huge purchases, but since we don’t make them regularly, we can spend more time weighing cost versus benefit. “We haven’t engaged in the thinking process,” Youn says.

Instead of the prefrontal cortex, the limbic system takes over. It’s the fight-or-flight response part of the brain, and there’s no careful weighing of factors. The goal is simple: survival, and it can cause us to make a less-than-optimal choice just to end the decision-making process — or to avoid the situation altogether by doing nothing, she says.

That’s not necessarily our goal. We want to make a good choice, but often there’s more in play, namely expectations. It’s tied into how we get viewed and what our worth is. If it’s a present, we worry about whether it expresses our feelings appropriately. As Youn says, “That decision is not just about that decision.”

And underlying it all is the fear and regret that you picked the wrong thing.

But to that, Youn poses a question: Wrong for what?

Get your focus

Often, people go into a purchase without being clear on what they need. Is the item for warmth, durability, exercise, style? Does it have to have special features? Do you need it quickly? Establishing a scope gives us something to refer back to and ask, “Does this fit with my purpose?” Conversely, with no parameters, we spend more time and angst making decisions, and sometimes keep looking under the belief that the “perfect” thing exists.

“We want this to check off all the boxes, even though we haven’t defined what all the boxes are,” she says.

For some people, the difficulty is in making the decision, but once done, the stress is over. But for others, the worry continues: the limbic system is still activated, and that’s when regret or buyer’s remorse comes in. Youn says to treat it like that song in your head that won’t go away, and give it some attention.

Examine the worry and name it. If you’re wondering about missing out on something, ask, “Why is that important?” And then with every assumption ask, “And then what would happen?” The process might reduce the magnitude of how much something actually matters. If that doesn’t work and you’re worried that you missed out on a better deal, then do some research. Whatever the result, even if it wasn’t in your favor, take it as a lesson that you can use for the next decision.

Lean on routines

New decisions take energy. That’s why routines are helpful — they remove the uncertainty of what to do in the morning or how to get to work. When possible, Youn says, use previous knowledge instead of constantly reinventing the wheel. If you like a pair of sneakers, there’s no problem with rebuying them if your needs haven’t changed.

If they have, just re-examine the new components, not the stuff you already know. And if you feel like you’re getting stuck in the evaluation process, ask yourself, “Is this worth my time?” The question creates a pause, brings you back into the moment, and allows you to decide how you want to proceed.

More research won’t help with decision-making or decision regret

It helps to realize that when we do our research, there comes a point where we’ve seen everything. In fact, more information becomes overload. What helps is to shrink down options as soon as possible. Maybe start with 10, but quickly get to five, then three, and finally two to compare before picking the winner. What can also help is setting the timer on your phone and giving yourself a certain number of minutes to make a choice. Sometimes that self-imposed deadline can keep us on track, and we can move on to the next decision.

But there can always be a nagging feeling that there’s more to know. In reality there isn’t, and actually we can’t know everything and don’t have to know everything — and that’s all right. As Youn says, “It’s an illusion.”

Did you know that of the 6.2 million people with Alzheimer’s disease who are age 65 or older in this country, almost two-thirds are women? This means that Alzheimer’s disease is almost twice as common in women compared to men. Why is Alzheimer’s disease more common in women?

Women live longer

The first and most important reason is that women tend to live longer than men. If you look at actuarial life tables, you can see that a baby girl born in 2019 is likely to live five years longer than a baby boy: 81 versus 76 years.

The greatest risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease is age: the older you are, the more likely you are to develop Alzheimer’s disease. For example, out of 1,000 people, the incidence (the number who develop Alzheimer’s each year) depends on age:

• 4 out of 1,000 people ages 65 to 74 develop Alzheimer’s each year
• 32 out of 1,000 people ages 75 to 84 develop Alzheimer’s each year
• 76 out of 1,000 people ages 85 and older develop Alzheimer’s each year.

So, one reason that there are more women with Alzheimer’s disease than men is simply that there are more older women than older men living in our society — 5.7 million more of them — and the older you are, the more likely you are to develop Alzheimer’s disease.

But that’s not the whole answer.

The incidence of Alzheimer’s is greater in women

Your chances of developing Alzheimer’s disease late in life are somewhat greater if you are a woman than a man. One study followed 16,926 people in Sweden and found that, beginning around age 80, women were more likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease than men of the same age. Similarly, a study based in Taiwan found that one’s chances of developing Alzheimer’s disease over seven years was greater in women compared to men. And a meta-analysis examining the incidence of Alzheimer’s disease in Europe found that approximately 13 women out of 1,000 developed Alzheimer’s each year, compared to only seven men.

So, women living longer than men cannot be the whole answer as to why women are more likely than men to develop Alzheimer’s disease, because even among individuals who are living and the same age, women are more likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s than men.

The incidence of non-Alzheimer’s dementia is not greater in women

One clue to the answer to this puzzle is that your chances of developing dementia from a cause other than Alzheimer’s disease is not greater if you are a woman. For example, the study examining dementia rates in Sweden found that both women and men were equally likely to develop a non-Alzheimer’s dementia as they aged. That rates of Alzheimer’s disease differ by gender, whereas rates of non-Alzheimer’s dementias do not, suggests that there must be a specific interaction between Alzheimer’s disease and gender.

Amyloid deposition in Alzheimer’s may be fighting infections

Another clue to this puzzle comes from the work of Harvard researchers, who have suggested that amyloid, one component of Alzheimer’s disease pathology, may be deposited in order to fight off infections in the brain. If their suggestion turns out to be correct, we might think of Alzheimer’s disease as a byproduct of our brain’s immune system.

Autoimmune disorders are more common in women

The last piece of the puzzle is that women are about twice as likely to have an autoimmune disease compared to men. The reason for this difference is not entirely clear, but it is clear that the immune system is generally stronger in women than men, and many autoimmune diseases are more common during pregnancy. It may be that women’s stronger immune system developed through evolution to protect the fetus from infections. So, as part of their stronger immune systems, women may end up having more amyloid plaques than men.

Putting the pieces together

By combining all of this information, one possible explanation as to why women’s risk of Alzheimer’s disease is greater than men’s — in addition to women living longer — is:

• The amyloid plaques that cause Alzheimer’s disease may be part of the brain’s immune system to fight against infections.
• Women have stronger immune systems than men.
• As part of their stronger immune systems, women may end up having more amyloid plaques than men.
• Because they may have more amyloid plaques than men, this theory may explain why women end up having a greater risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease.

Please note the italicized words "may" that I have used. Although the ideas I have presented here are logical, coherent, and form the basis of a good theory, they have not yet been proven to be correct. More research is needed!

The bottom line

You are more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease over your lifetime if you are a woman, because women live longer than men and, possibly, because women have stronger immune systems compared to men.

Does that mean that if you’re a woman, you’re more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease and there’s nothing you can do about it? Not at all! You can do many things to reduce your risk of Alzheimer’s today.

• Engage in aerobic exercise such as brisk walking, jogging, biking, swimming, or aerobic classes at least 30 minutes per day, five days per week.
• Eat a Mediterranean menu of foods including fish, olive oil, avocados, fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, whole grains, and poultry. Eat other foods sparingly.
• Sleep well — and clean those Alzheimer’s plaques out of your brain.
• Participate in social activities and novel, cognitively stimulating activities.

Men who are newly diagnosed with prostate cancer have difficult choices to make about medical therapy, and the last thing any of them want is to regret their treatment decisions later. But unfortunately, treatment-related regrets are quite common, according to a new study.

After looking into the experiences of 2,072 men diagnosed with prostate cancer between 2011 and 2012, the investigators found that more than one in 10 were unhappy with their chosen treatment.

The men were all younger than 80, with an average age of 64. Nearly half of them had slow-growing cancers with a low risk of recurrence or spread after treatment. The rest were in intermediate- or higher-risk categories.

All the men were treated in one of three different ways: surgery to remove the prostate (a procedure called radical prostatectomy); radiation therapy; or active surveillance, which entails monitoring prostate tumors with routine PSA checks and imaging, and treating only when, or if, the cancer progresses. More than half the men chose surgery regardless of their cancer risk at the time of diagnosis. Most of the others chose radiation, and about 13% of the men — the majority of them in low- or intermediate-risk categories — chose active surveillance. Then, at periodic intervals afterwards, the men filled out questionnaires asking if they felt they might have been better off with a different approach, or if the treatment they had chosen was the wrong one.

What the results showed

Results showed that after five years, 279 of the men (13% of the entire group) had regrets about what they had chosen. The surgically-treated men were most likely to voice unhappiness with their decision; 183 of them (13%) felt they would have been better off with a different approach. By contrast, regrets were expressed by 76 (11%) of the radiation-treated men and 20 (7%) of men who chose active surveillance. Men in the low-to intermediate-risk categories were more likely to regret having chosen immediate treatment with surgery or radiation instead of active surveillance. The men with high-risk cancer, however, did not regret being treated immediately.

The study was led by Dr. Christopher Wallis, a urologic oncologist at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto, Canada. Wallis and his team didn’t explore which specific disease outcomes or complications led to the regrets associated with particular treatments. However, the study did find that sexual dysfunction was significantly associated with treatment regrets in general. “And patients on active surveillance may develop regret if their disease progresses and they then come to believe that they may have been better suited by getting treatment earlier,” Wallis wrote in an email.

The study’s key finding, according to the investigators, is that regrets arise from discrepancies between what men expect from a particular approach and their actual experiences over time. “That’s the important take-away,” Wallis said.

In an accompanying editorial, Randy Jones, PhD., RN, a professor at the University of Virginia School of Nursing, emphasized that improved treatment counseling at the time of diagnosis can help to minimize the likelihood of regret later. This communication, he wrote, should consider the patient’s personal values, stress shared decision-making between patients and doctors, and aim for an “understanding of realistic expectations and adverse effects that are possible during treatment.”

“This study underscores the importance of not rushing into a decision, and fully understanding the time course of side effects and what can be expected from them,” said Dr. Marc Garnick, the Gorman Brothers Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, editor of the Harvard Health Publishing Annual Report on Prostate Diseases, and editor in chief of HarvardProstateKnowledge.org. “Only when these consequences of treatment(s) or surveillance are fully understood is the patient able to make a truly informed decision.” All too often, newly diagnosed patients respond by “wanting to take care of this as soon as emergently possible.” But with prostate cancer, patients have the time to fully understand what is at stake. “I urge my patients to speak with members of prostate support groups and other prostate cancer patients about the issues they are likely to face, not necessarily in the immediate future, but years later. The fact that this study evaluated individuals 10+ years following their decision is an important feature in helping us better understand the time course during which regrets may be experienced.”

All parents want their children to be successful in life — and by successful, we mean not just having a good job and a good income, but also being happy. And all parents wonder how they can make that happen.

According to Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, it’s less about grades and extracurricular activities, and more about a core set of skills that help people navigate life’s inevitable challenges. These skills all fall under what we call executive function skills, which we use for self-regulation. Most people who are successful and happy in life have strong executive function skills.

What are five important core skills?

• Planning: being able to make and carry out concrete goals and plans
• Focus: the ability to concentrate on what’s important at a given time
• Self-control: controlling how we respond to not just our emotions but stressful situations
• Awareness: not just noticing the people and situations around us, but also understanding how we fit in
• Flexibility: the ability to adapt to changing situations.

While these are skills that children (and adults) can and do learn throughout their lifetimes, there are two time periods that are particularly important: early childhood (ages 3 to 5) and adolescence/early adulthood (ages 13 to 26). During these windows of opportunity, learning and using these skills can help set children up for success. In this post, we’ll talk about that second window of adolescence.

The best way to learn any skill is by actually doing it. Here are some suggestions for parents wondering how to help and when to step back.

Planning

When children are little, it’s natural for parents and caregivers to do the planning for them. But as children grow into teens, they need to learn to do it for themselves.

• Avoid micromanaging your teen’s life. Instead, set some ground rules — simple ones like: homework needs to get done, they need seven to eight hours of sleep, and regular exercise is important. You may have some other ground rules, like attending family meals or religious services. Then let your teen figure out how to get it done. Step in only if ground rules are clearly being broken consistently.
• When teens have long-term projects, such as a research project or college applications, sit and talk with them about how they want to get it done. Let them come up with ideas before you do!
• Involve your teens in planning family activities or vacations, home renovations, or other projects. Let them make some of the decisions (even if you don’t always agree).

Focus

The explosion of device use has caused all sorts of problems with focus in people of all ages. There is an instant gratification to screens that makes it hard to put them aside and focus on less stimulating tasks — so now, more than ever, it’s important to

• talk about how social media and the Internet can interfere with daily life (and homework), and help them come up with strategies to manage the distraction.
• have screen-free meals and family time.
• encourage hands-on activities that don’t involve screens, like cooking, baking, building things, sewing, crocheting, drawing, painting, or gardening.

Self-control

This is one where being mindful of your own reactions to situations is important. How do you react to anger and frustration? Is road rage a problem for you? Remember that our children always pay more attention to what we do than what we say. To help your teen learn self-control, you can:

• Talk about feelings, and about strategies for managing strong feelings — like taking a deep breath, stepping away from the situation, screaming into a pillow, etc.
• Debrief after upsets, once everyone has calmed down. What might your teen have done differently? What could they do next time?
• Talk about how their behavior affects others, and why it’s important to be mindful of that (a practice that also teaches awareness).

Awareness

Teens can be very aware — but mostly of their own world. Help them learn to see beyond that.

• Talk about current events and stories in the news. In particular, talk about how these affect people, and how different people might see them differently.
• Go places with your teen — even just a walk in the woods or a visit to a nearby town can give them opportunities to look around them and see things they might otherwise miss.
• Join community service activities as a family; show teens how they can make a difference.
• Have rituals of checking in as a family, like at dinner. Give everyone a chance to talk about their day.

Flexibility

Life throws curve balls all the time, and teens need to be able to adjust.

• Don’t be too rigid about your teen’s schedule. Help them prioritize, and see which things can be missed or postponed when something happens, good or bad.
• Encourage some spontaneity. This, too, is about learning to prioritize and not getting too stuck in routines.
• Be a role model. Be spontaneous yourself — and don’t get too upset when plans change. Make new plans.

Any time you let your teen do something, there is a reasonable chance that they will fail. Resist the urge to jump in right away. While it’s important to have your child’s back (now and for the rest of their life), sometimes teens need to fail in order to learn. Give them a chance to figure it out themselves before you offer help. They may just surprise you.

As a doctor, I am constantly advising my patients to prioritize their own mental and physical health. Get adequate sleep. Eat healthy. Learn how to say no so you don’t collapse from exhaustion. Love and care for yourself like you do others.

I talk the talk but don’t always walk the walk — even though I know, both intellectually and physically, that self-care is critical to my well-being. When I am run down, my MS symptoms cry out for attention: left leg weakness and numbness, subtle vertigo, a distinct buzzing in my brain like a relentless mosquito that won’t go away no matter how many times I twitch and shake my head. I have become frighteningly good at ignoring these symptoms, boxing them up and pushing them away. Often, I can muscle through; other times it just hurts.

Recently, a friend challenged me to think about my relationship with my illness, to describe MS as a character in my story. This was a useful exercise. I conjured up an image of a stern teacher. She is frighteningly blunt and lets me know, loud and clear, when I disappoint her. She can be mean and scary, and I don’t really like her. But I must admit she is usually right. Still, I often defiantly dismiss her, even when part of me knows this is not in my best interest.

This holiday season, I wanted to do better. I needed to do better. So, as Thanksgiving approached, as I prepared to host 16 family members, many for multiple days, I paused to ask myself, What does MS have to teach me about self-care? I don’t like having this disease, but I do. I can’t change my reality, so I might as well benefit from the lessons MS is forcing on me. I believe they are relevant to all of us, whether we live with chronic illness or not, so I’ll share them here.

The first steps: Listen and observe

When my MS symptoms flare, it’s a message that I am tired, overextended, and stressed. I need to rest. I don’t always listen right away, but eventually I am forced to, and when I listen, I feel better. All of us can benefit from slowing down and tuning in to our physical selves. What sensations are you experiencing in your body, and what does this tell you about your underlying feelings and state of mind? Yes, we should heed our thoughts, but tuning in to our bodies takes us deeper, to feelings that might be hidden, secrets we might not want to acknowledge, a physical truth. If you don’t have a chronic illness, the messages might be more subtle — a vague tightness in your chest, a quick catch in your breath, a barely noticeable tremor in your hands — but they exist, and they signal stress.

The science is clear: the body’s stress response — though potentially lifesaving in a true emergency, when “fight or flight” is essential to survival — can be toxic in our everyday lives. Stress triggers our sympathetic nervous system to kick into overdrive in response to a perceived threat, releasing hormones such as cortisol and inflammatory molecules that, when produced in excess, fuel disease. Conversely, we know that pausing to take notice and interrupting this negative cycle of stress is beneficial. It can be as simple as breathing deeply and counting to 10. Our bodies know what’s up and let us know when we need to take care of ourselves. We must pay attention.

You are not responsible for everyone and everything

The holidays, essentially from mid-November through the end of the year, are a stress test we create for ourselves. The land mines are everywhere: more food, more drinking, more family dynamics, more unfamiliar (or overly familiar) surroundings. Personally, with my overinflated sense of responsibility, I experience a kind of dizzying performance anxiety every holiday season. I believe it is my job to make sure everyone present has a positive experience. For better or worse, I am someone who notices and feels the personal and interpersonal dynamics in a room. I sense and absorb even the most subtle discomfort, frustration, anger, shame, and insecurity, alongside the more upbeat emotions. Importantly, I also I feel the need to step in and make things better, to prop everyone up. It’s exhausting. But MS reminds me of how absurd, and even egotistical, this is. In truth, I can’t possibly care for everyone. Neither can you.

It helps to check our automatic thoughts. More than once on Thanksgiving Day, as the busy kitchen buzzed with activity and conversation, I intentionally stepped back and watched, reminding myself that I didn’t have to hold the whole thing up. Even though I inevitably slipped back into hyper-responsibility mode, these moments of self-awareness impacted my behavior and the dynamic in the room.

It’s okay to say what you need

To take full responsibility for my own well-being, I need to speak honestly and act with integrity. This means asking for what I need, clearly and without apology. Historically, I have been terrible at this in my personal life, burying my own needs in the name of taking care of everyone else’s, even rejecting clear offers of help. “I’m good, I’ve got it,” I might say, while simultaneously feeling bitter and resentful for having to do it all myself. This lack of clarity isn’t fair to anyone. MS reminds me that I need to do better.

This year, when my guests asked me what they could bring, I took them at their word and made specific requests instead of assuring everyone that I had it covered. When my mother started banging around in the kitchen at 7 a.m. with her endearing but chaotic energy, asking for this and that pot and kitchen utensil so she could start cooking, I told her I needed to sit down and have a cup of coffee first. She would need to wait or find things herself. She was okay with that. Family dynamics can be entrenched and hard to change, but clear communication can set new ways of being into motion, one baby step at a time.

I still have a lot to learn, but I am making stuttering progress, learning to listen to my body and honor my needs while also caring for those I love, or at least trying. Undeniably, I experienced some post-Thanksgiving fatigue, exacerbated by my daughter’s early-morning hockey game the next day, requiring a 4:30 a.m. departure. I felt it in my body — the familiar leg weakness, vertigo, and brain cobwebs — and, completely uncharacteristically, I took a nap.

All of us know that motivation is a key ingredient to accomplishing goals in our personal and professional lives. But if you wait for motivation to strike like a sudden lightning storm, you’re a lot less likely to take a single step toward any goal. Even if you have a much-desired goal in mind, it’s all too easy to deplete motivation through feeling overwhelmed, procrastination, or impatience. The steps below can help you increase your motivation to accomplish the goals that matter to you.

The meaning of your goal

Before setting a goal, it is critical to clearly identify meaning — that is, why is successfully reaching this goal important to you? What will this achievement mean to you? For example, telling yourself “I want to lose 10 pounds so I have more energy to play with my grandchildren” conveys far more meaning than “I want to lose weight.” Or maybe your goal is to paint a room a different color because you feel that color will bring more joy into your life. That’s very different than setting a goal of “paint room.”

If you set a goal and find yourself procrastinating or not achieving it, revisit the meaning of the goal you have set. Is this a goal that continues to matter to you? If so, consider the meaning behind the procrastination or the difficulties that you are experiencing.

Operationalize your goal

Write out a detailed plan to achieve the goal. Use the SMART acronym to guide this plan:

• Specific (What exactly do you want to accomplish?)
• Measurable (How will you know when you have succeeded?)
• Achievable (Is the goal you have set possible?)
• Realistic (Does setting this goal make sense for you right now?)
• Time-bound (What is the specific time frame to accomplish this goal?)

For example, a goal of “exercise more” is too vague, and will not set you up for success. Instead, set a goal of walking 50 steps in the next hour, or taking a 15-minute walk Wednesday morning. This goal is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound.

Set up a to-do list — and tick it off

Once you identify a specific goal, make a to-do list to accomplish it.

• What resources do you need?
• What are the steps you’ll take toward your goal? Break down tasks into manageable mini-tasks and write each one down.
• Set deadlines for each task. Make a schedule to accomplish these tasks, being sure to include regular breaks and realistic time frames.
• Cross off each mini-task as you complete it. Step by step, you’ll see you’re making progress toward your goals.

If you are having difficulty breaking down your goal into smaller tasks, just begin working toward it. For example, if you set a goal of increasing the number of steps you walk each day, but have difficulty identifying the ideal number of steps as a goal, just start walking. You can figure out that ideal number later.

Include others

Invite a team to help you with your goal. You could join a running club, or ask family and friends to check on your progress in achieving tasks related to your overall goal. Perhaps friends can send email or text message reminders to keep you accountable. Finally, surround yourself by other people who are actively working on their own goals. Their efforts may inspire you, too.

Visualize success

Create an image of yourself achieving this goal. This image could be in your mind, or perhaps you could draw a picture of yourself achieving your goal. Imagine what achieving this goal will mean for you. How will you experience the success? How will it feel for you? Remember these positive emotions as you are completing the tasks on your to-do list to help fuel motivation.

Avoid distractions

Try to choose a space that is organized, free of clutter, and with minimal distractions. Focus on one task at a time, not multitasking. Close email and place your phone on silent. Avoid social media sites that make goals seem very easy to attain.

Track progress and time spent

Decide how often you’ll track progress toward your overall goal through your to-do list. Are you meeting the timeline you initially established? If not, identify stumbling blocks. Revisit the importance and meaning of this goal and how you initially set up your SMART model. If necessary, reconsider challenging aspects of your goal and make changes in your plan.

Think creatively about how to expand available time to work on your goal. Can you make certain tasks more routine in your life? Can you link unenjoyable tasks with more pleasurable activities? For example, if you dread your goal of taking 100 additional steps each day, could you listen to music or a podcast that you enjoy while you are taking these steps?

Embrace empathy

Be kind to yourself when tracking progress toward achieving your goal. Practice self-compassion on occasions when you fall short. Build small rewards into the process, and consider how to celebrate all your accomplishments.

Last winter, my wife shooed the dog and visiting toddlers away from our poinsettia plants, saying "they’re poisonous, you know."

I did not know. But it turns out that the belief that poinsettias are deadly is widespread. The same could be said for mistletoe and holly. But are their reputations for danger well-deserved? Since these plants are especially popular to brighten up homes or give as gifts during the holidays, I decided to look into it.

The risks of poinsettia

Could a plant so common and so well-liked in the winter holidays also be so dangerous? If it is dangerous, what problems does it cause? Must it be eaten to cause problems, or is it harmful to just be nearby? And if it’s not dangerous, why does the myth live on?

The answers to these questions are not easy to find. In fact, the bad reputation may have started in 1919, when an army officer’s child reportedly died after eating part of a poinsettia plant. It is unclear if the plant was responsible, though: many other reports describe mild symptoms, such as nausea or vomiting, but no deaths.

Decades ago, a study in the American Journal of Emergency Medicine analyzed nearly 23,000 cases of people eating poinsettia and found

• no fatalities
• nearly all cases (96%) required no treatment outside the home
• most cases (92%) developed no symptoms at all.

According to one estimate, a 50-pound child would have to eat more than 500 poinsettia leaves to approach a dose that could cause trouble. Similarly, pets may develop gastrointestinal symptoms after eating poinsettia, but these plants pose no major threat to animals.

The risks of mistletoe

The story is much the same for mistletoe. It’s not particularly dangerous, but may cause an upset stomach if eaten. In fact, mistletoe has been used for centuries as a remedy for arthritis, high blood pressure, infertility, and headache. The evidence isn’t high-quality for any of these uses, though.

Interest also centers on this plant’s potential as an anticancer treatment. Some extracts of mistletoe contain chemicals shown to kill cancer cells in the laboratory and to stimulate human immune cells. For example, a substance called alkaloids has similar properties as certain chemotherapy drugs used in the past to fight leukemia and other forms of cancer. However, a two-part 2019 review found that adding mistletoe extracts to conventional cancer treatments did not improve survival or quality of life.

No one suggests it's a good idea to eat this plant, accidentally or otherwise. But eating one to three berries or one or two leaves is unlikely to cause serious illness, according to the authors of a 1986 review of multiple studies. And no significant symptoms or deaths were described in one report of more than 300 cases of eating mistletoe. However, some sources warn that serious problems or even death may occur if enough is ingested. The specific dose required to cause death is unknown but, fortunately, it appears to be so high that consuming enough to be lethal is extremely rare.

The risks of holly

This plant can be dangerous to people and pets. The berries of holly plants are poisonous. If eaten, they may cause crampy abdominal pain, drowsiness, vomiting, and diarrhea. While no one would recommend eating holly, it is unlikely to cause death. And for at least one type of holly, knowing the Latin name would be enough to discourage ingestion: the yaupon holly is also called Ilex vomitoria.

The bottom line

No one should eat poinsettias, mistletoe, and holly, but if small amounts are consumed, they are unlikely to cause serious illness. It seems to me that the dangers of these plants appear to be vastly overestimated.

Perhaps the most dangerous thing about mistletoe and poinsettias is the choking hazard the berries pose for young kids, although that risk is not unique to plants: any small object poses similar risks. Try to keep holiday plants out of the reach of small children and pets. And keep in mind that berries may fall from these plants and wind up on the floor.

If a child or pet eats leaves or berries from these holiday plants, or any other plants, check in with poison control, your pediatrician, or your veterinarian. But unless a particularly large "dose" is consumed, don’t be surprised if the recommendation is to simply watch and wait.

Still concerned even if you know the risks are low? You can always regift holiday plants you receive to friends with no children or pets, or find other ways to decorate your home for the holidays.

Migraine is a common and disabling headache disorder. Painful migraine headaches frequently affect people between the ages of 18 and 44. Many common medication treatments for migraine may cause side effects that are difficult to tolerate, and can lead people to not take their medications as recommended, or to stop taking them altogether. A recent study suggests that up to 20% of patients with migraine have used opioids to treat their pain in the past year. Therefore, there is a great need for better and more tolerable treatments for people who have migraines.

Research has shown that combining behavioral treatments with preventive medication treatments works better for preventing headaches than medications alone. Mindfulness practice has also been associated with improvements in individuals with chronic pain, including migraine. Mindfulness is the mind-body treatment that involves purposely focusing one’s attention on the present momentary awareness and accepting it without judgment.

Stress is a well-known trigger for migraine. Moreover, stressful events have been associated with people experiencing more frequent or chronic migraines versus having them occasionally. Mindfulness can result in stress reduction, reduced emotional response to stress, and improved general happiness. In patients with migraine, pain severity and unpleasant symptoms can be reduced with this treatment.

Mindfulness can potentially strengthen emotional and cognitive control of pain by helping to train someone with migraine to reassess their pain in a nonjudgmental way and modify their evaluation of the pain. In addition, mindfulness practices can help to control depression, anxiety, and pain catastrophizing (an exaggerated negative feeling toward pain experiences), which can play a role in chronic migraine.

The study

In a recent study published in JAMA, a group of researchers investigated whether mindfulness-based stress reduction may provide benefit for people experiencing migraine. The study randomly assigned half of participants with migraine to the mindfulness treatment and the other half to only headache education.

The mindfulness-based stress reduction treatment incorporated eight weeks of two-hour, in-person classes, which included sitting and walking meditation, body scanning (sequential attention to parts of the body), and mindful movement (bodily awareness during gentle stretching using hatha yoga), bringing attention back to the natural rhythm of the breath. In addition, the study participants were encouraged to build their capacity to address physical and mental perceptions of their pain, and they were provided audio files for at-home practice.

The headache education treatment included a standardized protocol of eight weeks of two-hour, in-person classes that contained education about the biological, psychological, and environmental processes associated with migraines, headache triggers, and stress. The patients were also given time for questions, answers, and discussion during each class.

The results

The researchers demonstrated that mindfulness-based stress reduction treatment significantly improved people’s disability, quality of life, self-efficacy, pain catastrophizing, and depression compared to patients who only had headache education. Reductions in monthly migraine days were observed in those with mindfulness-based stress reduction treatment, but were not significantly different from those receiving headache education. The authors of the study explain that the reason they could not demonstrate improvement in the headache frequency could be the use of an active control group such as headache education, which itself may result in improvement of headache frequency.

Most importantly, the study demonstrated that mindfulness-based treatments can reduce the burden of migraine. With mindfulness, the participants of the study may have learned a new way of processing pain that may have a significant effect on their long-term health. The results of this study have major implications for both patients and clinicians, and the research can support a holistic, integrative treatment plan for patients with migraine, with less emphasis on nonmedical treatments.

What you can do

Many healthcare providers, including headache specialists, pain specialists, neurologists, and primary care physicians, have started to incorporate mindfulness-based treatment in their practices, or they have sought mindfulness-based programs or specialists for their patients.

There are also many ways for patients with migraine to practice mindfulness at home. Patients with migraine can integrate some of the following mindfulness-based practices in their daily life, including during a migraine headache:

• Accept yourself, your present moment.
• Lie on your back or in a comfortable position with no distractions, and direct your awareness to your body and breathing. Scan your body and observe your feet, legs, hands, arms, and other parts of your body.
• Try to sit down in a comfortable and quiet place, close your eyes, take a deep breath. Try to do breathing exercises, paying attention to the sensations of your breath while inhaling and exhaling.
• Sitting or walking meditation done outside in nature may be very relaxing. Focus on the experience of walking, being aware of the sensations of standing and the subtle movements that keep your balance.

Resources

There many are apps and quality resources for mindfulness and migraine learning and practice. Here are few online resources to explore:

Body scan mindfulness exercise for pain (Harvard Health Publishing)

Mindfulness Meditation for Migraine (American Migraine Foundation)

Mindfulness series for Migraine & Headache Disorders (Miles for Migraine)

Mindfulness and Migraine (National Headache Foundation)

That recurring sound that you hear but nobody else does? It’s not all in your head. Well, not exactly.

You may be one of the estimated 50 million-plus people who suffer from tinnitus. The mysterious condition causes a sound in the head with no external source. For many it’s a high-pitched ringing, while for others it’s whistling, whooshing, buzzing, chirping, hissing, humming, roaring, or even shrieking.

The sound may seem to come from one ear or both, from inside the head, or from a distance. It may be constant or intermittent, steady or pulsating. One approach to managing this condition is different forms of sound therapy intended to help people tune out the internal soundtrack of tinnitus.

What causes tinnitus?

There are many possible causes of tinnitus. Long-term exposure to loud noises is often blamed. But other sources include middle ear problems like an infection, a tumor or cyst pinching nerves in the ear, or something as simple as earwax buildup. Tinnitus also can be a symptom of Meniere’s disease, a disorder of the balance mechanism in the inner ear.

Even old-fashioned aging can lead to tinnitus, which is common in people older than age 55. As people get older, the auditory nerve connecting the ear to the brain starts to fray, diminishing normal sounds.

“Neurons (nerve cells) in areas of the brain that process sound make up for this loss of input by increasing their sensitivity,” says Daniel Polley, director of the Lauer Tinnitus Research Center at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts Eye and Ear. “The sensitivity knobs are turned up so high that neurons begin to respond to the activity of other nearby neurons. This creates the perception of a sound that does not exist in the physical environment. It’s a classic example of a feedback loop, similar to the squeal of a microphone when it is too close to a speaker.”

At times, everyone experiences the perception of a phantom sound. If it only lasts for a few seconds or minutes, it’s nothing to worry about. However, if it pulsates in sync with your heart rate, it’s definitely something to get checked out by a physician, says Polley. If it’s a relatively continuous sound, you should see an audiologist or otolaryngologist (ears, nose, throat specialist).

Can sound therapy help tune out tinnitus?

There is no cure for tinnitus, but it can become less noticeable over time. Still, there are ways to ease symptoms and help tune out the noise and minimize its impact. Treatments are a trial-and-error approach, as they work for some people but not others.

One often-suggested strategy is sound therapy. It uses external noise to alter your perception of or reaction to tinnitus. Research suggests sound therapy can effectively suppress tinnitus in some people. Two common types of sound therapy are masking and habituation.

• Masking. This exposes a person to background noise, like white noise, nature sounds, or ambient sounds, to mask tinnitus noise or distract attention away from it. Listening to sound machines or music through headphones or other devices can offer temporary breaks from the perception of tinnitus. Household items like electric fans, radios, and TVs also can help. Many people with tinnitus also have some degree of hearing loss. Hearing aids can be used to mask tinnitus by turning up the volume on outside noises. This works especially well when hearing loss and tinnitus occur within the same frequency range, according to the American Tinnitus Association.
• Habituation. Also known as tinnitus retraining therapy, this process trains your brain to become more accustomed to tinnitus. Here, you listen to noise similar to your tinnitus sound for long periods. Eventually your brain ignores the tone, along with the tinnitus sound. It’s similar to how you eventually don’t think about how glasses feel on your nose. The therapy is done with guidance from a specialist and the time frame varies per person, usually anywhere from 12 to 24 months.

Additional approaches may help with tinnitus

Depending on your diagnosis, your doctor also may recommend addressing issues that could contribute to your tinnitus.

• Musculoskeletal factors. Jaw clenching, tooth grinding, prior injury, or muscle tension in the neck can sometimes make tinnitus more noticeable. If tight muscles are part of the problem, massage therapy may help relieve it.
• Underlying health conditions. You may be able to reduce the impact of tinnitus by treating conditions like depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
• Negative thinking. Adopting cognitive behavioral therapy and hypnosis to redirect negative thoughts and emotions linked to tinnitus may also help ease symptoms.
• Medication. Tinnitus can be a side effect of many medications, especially when taken at higher doses, like aspirin and other nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs and certain antidepressants. The problem often goes away when the drug is reduced or discontinued.